DAY 55: Perseverance and Ability
Getting Started vs. Getting Home
Getting Started vs. Getting Home
Wednesday MI Snack conversation has stayed with me for several days now. Especially the part when Fanny and I hit in the word perseverance.
Confidence will get you started, perseverance will get you home.
As we continue exploring ability in DARN CAT. Confidence is that initial spark: "I think I can do this." But perseverance? That's what carries someone through the hard middle parts when motivation fades and obstacles show up.
When the Shine Wears Off
Most changes start with enthusiasm. Day one of the new exercise routine feels exciting. Week three, when it's raining and you're tired and your workout clothes are still in the dirty laundry? That's when perseverance matters.
The person who's been sober for 60 days and gets invited to their old drinking buddy's 4th of July picnic. The one who's been eating healthier but faces the push-back from their family when everyone's asking why they're "being so picky."
This is where believing in your ability gets deeper, more complex.
The “Action” phase of the stages of change can be the hardest. This is when the withdrawal symptoms kick in and it is not at all easy to preserver and get through them.
Confidence will get you started, perseverance will get you home.
What Perseverance Sounds Like
Listen for this kind of language:
"Even when it gets hard, I know why I'm doing this"
"I've gotten through tough times before"
"I can take this one day at a time"
"I don't have to be perfect, I just have to keep going"
“Progres not perfection”
When you hear these sparks of perseverance, reflect them. Amplify them. Ask for more.
Building Staying Power
Some questions that help build perseverance:
"What will you tell yourself when this gets difficult?"
"Who will remind you why this matters?"
"How have you stuck with hard things in the past?"
"What would keep you going even on a bad day?"
"What's your plan for getting back on track if (when) you slip?"
(Can we normalize having a set-back as part of the stages of change?)
The Long Game
Confidence gets us to the starting line and perseverance gets us across the finish line, even when we’re tired, even when we stumble, even when we're not sure we can make it.
Our job is to help our loved ones believe not just that they can start, but that they can continue.
Give it a Try
Today, listen for perseverance language. When someone talks about wanting to change, ask them about staying power, not just starting power.
Help them connect with their own history of getting through hard things.
And let me know what you discover! What helps people keep going when confidence alone isn't enough?
Sky
Many, many thanks to the over 1,400 people
who are reading this blog every day!
PS - Here are the poll results from “Should I take a Break.” Keeping with the theme, the advice from the group was to keep going, and to take care of myself. I appreciate both! I am liking the idea of taking the weekends off. So I will try for just the weekdays, if I can restrain myself!
There was also a lot of support for more videos, so I will be focusing some of my time on this, especially more demos of MI in action.
And my favorite comment from the poll was this one, from a Japanese reader:
毎日の習慣になっています。朝一番に読むのが楽しみです。心に残った言葉をノートに書き留めています。私の宝物です。これからもよろしくお願いします。
It has become a daily habit. I look forward to reading it first thing in the morning. I write down the words that have stayed with me in a notebook. They are my treasure. I look forward to your continued support.
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July 25, 2025
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July 30, 2025
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We really are all in this together
Sky Kershner, LPC, ALPS, LCSW, DMin
Assistant Professor, WVU School of Medicine
MINT Certified Trainer of Motivational Interviewing
AAMFT Approved Supervisor / Member IEDTA / PACT L2
304-220-0088 / www.wv-mi.com / the mi-ai practice space
One of my clients, a survivor of domestic violence, used to be a Zumba instructor but had stopped teaching for years due to family issues. During our first session, she was deeply depressed. But when I asked her to think of one thing that could change her mood, her eyes lit up. She said, “Singing.”
I asked her to sing to me at the beginning of our next session—and she did.
By the third session, she was walking in the park. I encouraged her to sing as if she were spreading her love to everyone around her. She did, and I found myself in tears, watching her finally taste freedom after so much suffering.
Six months later, she wrote to me. She’s now a teacher at a daycare center and a part-time Zumba instructor. She’s happy with herself.
What I learned from her journey is this: start with a deeply rooted passion. It may not come with confidence at first, but it always brings a spark of excitement. Let that be the starting point. Keep the flow going, and the confidence will return. To me, that journey is called “perseverance.”
In today’s session, the client explored the tension between what he enjoys and what he wants to complete. His strong curiosity and interest to learn often lead the way, while certain necessary tasks fall behind. One coach offered (not verbatim): “I’m curious to understand how tasks in the past got done when your interest was elsewhere?” It opened up the conversation to explore more. As an observer, the question was so good because just maybe perseverance might have shown up in his life, even when motivation wasn’t front and center. His confidence was there and his focus felt challenged. In moments like this, I’m reminded that staying power often lives quietly beneath the surface, and asking the right questions can help bring it forward.