Day 100+ 15: Trusting the Process
Sometimes the light turns on when we stop trying to find the switch.
In MI Practice today, one of our newer community members, Nikki, shared a strange moment from when it was her turn to practice. Half-way through, she suddenly stopped overthinking what she trying to do (make a complex reflection) and started moving toward embracing curiosity and natural flow of the conversation. She described it like a light turning on inside her - an epiphany.
I was so happy to hear this. That’s what MI Practice is designed to do. To learn by experience and find out what only you can find out: how to turn that light switch on inside you, the one that’s willing to drop the overthinking and get into the flow of the conversation.
The Overthinking Trap
So many of us get caught here. We take what we learned in a book or a workshop, OARS, DARN-CAT, Ask-Offer-Ask, Readiness Rulers, and we try to craft it to perfection.
Was that simple or complex reflection?
Did I just use an open question or was it closed?
Did I go over the ruler number or under it?
It all too much to keep in the mind at once.
And while we’re busy thinking about the techniques of MI, we’re not actually present with the person in front of us.
I recognize this in myself. Sometimes I’m so focused on “doing MI right” that I lose track of the actual human I’m talking to. The technique becomes more important than the connection.
What the Light Turning On Feels Like
When Niki described her shift, I think what she was naming is that moment when we stop trying to apply MI and start just... being curious. When the conversation flows not because we’re following a protocol but because we genuinely want to understand what this person is experiencing.
The reflections come naturally because we’re listening deeply, not because we’re constructing them correctly.
Trusting What Happens
“Trusting the process” might mean trusting that:
Curiosity will guide us better than technique
Natural conversation flow serves connection better than perfect MI structure
We don’t have to have it all figured out before we speak
The person we’re with will help us find our way if we stay present
What Practice Offers
This is why we keep showing up for practice sessions. Not to get better at performing MI skills, but to experience what happens when we let go of overthinking and trust ourselves to just be present.
Each practice is a chance to notice:
Where do I start overthinking?
What happens when I drop the mental analysis and just listen?
Can I trust my curiosity more than my technique?
What does it feel like when the conversation flows naturally?
My Own Journey
I still catch myself overthinking in conversations sometimes. Especially when I’m nervous or feeling evaluated or I’m recording a demo and it starts going really well, and I’m afraid I will blow it. The voice in my head is busy analyzing: “Was that a good reflection? Should I have asked an open question there? Am I doing this right?”
And then sometimes - like Niki described - the light turns on. I forget about whether I’m doing it right and just get interested in what the person is telling me. And paradoxically, that’s when I’m probably most aligned with MI spirit.
It’s a little moment of zen. And all is well.
Your Experience
Do you have moments when the light turned on?
When you stopped overthinking and just trusted the conversation?
When you just step back and take a breath?
What was that like?
Sky
And Thank You! Again
100 More Days of MI is free. I’m super glad so many folks are enjoying the daily posts!
Offering your comments is free too, so please keep them coming! Send me an email or make a comment in the section below.
Free MI Practice Sessions
Monday at 12pm ET (nyc time zone)
Fridays at 12pm ET (nyc time zone)
MI Practice Reserve Your Spot!
Free MI Snack (just a bite of MI)
Wednesdays at 11am ET (nyc time)
This week: Maintenance and Relapse
Sign Up. Here
Upcoming MI Classes
MI Basics: The Power of Listening, Fri, Nov 7, 2025
MI Intermediate: The Power of Change-Talk, Fri, Dec 5, 2025
MI Advanced: The Power of Whispers, Fri. Jan 9, 2025
These workshops are the perfect foundation
to get the most of our free practice sessions.
https://www.wv-mi.com/learning-mi
Pre-MINT TNT: Train the Trainer
Become a Guest Facilitator of our MI Practices
Waiting List
We really are all in this together
Sky Kershner, LPC, ALPS, LCSW, DMin
Assistant Professor, WVU School of Medicine
MINT Certified Trainer of Motivational Interviewing
AAMFT Approved Supervisor / Member IEDTA / PACT L2
304-220-0088 / www.wv-mi.com / the mi-ai practice space
I’d say the more I’m in this practice, the more lights turn on. In a room full of light, I hear the sounds of a chorus.
I am glad that Flow ofen comes up in these conversations. I like this quote from Csíkszentmihályi (I know, it is a strange Hungarian name😊) :
"Most enjoyable activities are not natural; they demand an effort that initially one is reluctant to make. But once the interaction starts to provide feedback to the person's skills, it usually begins to be intrinsically rewarding."
When you want to give (unsolicited) advice, when you want to interrupt, and say something "important" AND you stay quiet. AND you reflect instead of all of that, first it doesn't feel natural.
But, as more and more (MI) becomes second nature, it is absolutely rewarding.