DAY 35: Reflecting as a Gift, not a Grab

Good reflections are like a gift for connection

Todays Prompt: DAY 35 - Reflecting as a Gift, not a Grab

In Listening Well, Bill Miller writes

“What happens when you offer a reflective listening statement? Typically the speaker keeps right on talking, moving along the same road without having to dodge a roadblock.

Reflective listening allows people to express and explore their own experience
without interference. In this way, the art of empathic understanding
is sacrificial — for the time being, at least you, are suspending your own stuff.”

I reached out to a bike store yesterday here in Costa Rica to see if I could check out a bike they had listed on their website. The owner emailed me back, saying they were sold out of bikes, that the shipment had been delayed due to the shipping backlog (they were stuck on a boat somewhere) and that they might be in next week.

My childlike ego was disappointed. My ego can be like a three year old, who wants, what he wants, when he wants it. My ego loves to grab.

I’m very grateful that my ego is not driving the bus.
I’m very grateful for skills like MI that help me get out of “Me” and into “We.”
I’m very grateful that I have worked to be fluent in MI, so I went straight for the We.

Can you guess what I said?

You are probably right!

“Oh no!” I said, “That must be really hard for your business!”

And in that moment, I made a friend.

Today's Prompt: Let Go and Reflect

Give it a try.

Let go of what you want, and step into how this moment is for the other person.

And let me know who it goes!

Sky

And Thank you!

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Comments: Climbing the MI Tree

I love this MI tree so much Sky! We had a massive Oak tree in our front yard growing up, and my sister and I would climb halfway up and build forts up there all the time. Then we'd take a little radio, and I would sit up there for hours writing or just listening to music surrounded by the beautiful blooming tree.

This MI big picture chart is so cool as it brings the entire tree and MI concept into a whole-picture perspective. Can't wait to jump into the component parts of MI! Thank you! - Lisa

Comments: Be the Auditorium

Over time, my ability to reflect has shifted from something mechanical to something more intuitive—and more right-brained. When I first started learning MI, my reflections felt forced and stiff. But when Sky introduced me to right-brain reflections—essentially, to stop thinking so hard and start feeling more—it unlocked a different way of approaching them. It feels more natural now, and I’m not so worried about reflecting the “right” thing—it just happens. His MI AI practice tool has been a great space to experiment and develop my voice—the kind that rises up from the right side of the brain.

I’m still learning to “be the auditorium,” and I can feel the tone changing. My reflections are starting to sound more like music than mechanics. And that’s what keeps me coming back to practice. - Carol

Thanks for today's prompt Sky! I love the picture, I can imagine, almost feel the amazing sound quality in the hall.

As a Hearing Aid Audiologist I can not leave the physical sensations, or physics out of today's comment - sorry guys!

I didn't know until I went to uni that sounds bouncing back from large hard surfaces (I.e.walls, flooring etc) are unnoticeable parts of our normal sound perception.

They just part of our norms.

And this becomes very clear as soon you go into an anechoeic chamber. In these special chambers the sounds not reverberating from the walls. It feels like you are in vacuum, or in space. Most people first reaction is anxiety, panic and fear, even after just a few minutes.

Acoustics reflection are part of our lives, without knowing or noticing it.

We need reflection to feel whole, to be able to connect to the surroundings.

If you add light reflections too ( that's why we are able to see and recognize things) we could say that reflections are vital for life.

Maybe reflections in our communication are equally important, and without giving and receiving them we would feel insecure, isolated and alienated - János

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We are all in this together

Sky Kershner, LPC, ALPS, LCSW, DMin
Assistant Professor, WVU School of Medicine
MINT Certified Trainer of Motivational Interviewing
AAMFT Approved Supervisor / Member IEDTA / PACT L2
304-220-0088 / www.wv-mi.com / the mi-ai practice space