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Sky Kershner's avatar

Wow! I'm really enjoying this! And I ran out of time because I was getting into the writing so much! I went back to add a further thought about the advanced reflection example. My fruther thought is at. the end f this comment. Yes, to give a good reflection is to empty yourself a bit. And at the same time, I don't want to encourage anyone to be a doormat. Here it is:

She: “I’m sorry I’m late”

Me, maybe: “You feel badly, you wanted to be here sooner.”

She: “Yes, I know how important this is to you.”

Me, maybe: “You know how this is a big deal for me”

She: “Thanks for not being mad at you.”

Me, maybe: “You feel grateful I’m staying calm.”

(“Me, maybe” is me at my empathic best.)

And please note, after giving empathy, I now have some space to share my personal disappointment, or use my hurt/anger to think about setting a boundary.

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Julie Williams's avatar

I sometimes drink Yogi tea. The paper on the end of the string attached to the tea bag always has a wise saying printed on it. Today’s: “The one who listens understands.” Even my tea is MI compliant.

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