"I'll Have What He's Having!"
Embracing Empathy: A Journey with a few MI Giants
The other day, I was part of a small learning group who had the extraordinary privilege of meeting with Motivational Interviewing co-founder Bill Miller.
This group has been lucky to meet the ‘biggest names’ in the MI world, included MI other co-founder Stephen Rollnick, and authors David Rosengren, and Steven Malcolm Berg-Smith. By ‘biggest names’ I mean ‘most human, humble, personable and most authentic.’ Every one of them.
This learning group has been meeting on a weekly basis for almost two years, to improve their MI training, coaching, and guiding skills as they prepare to apply for membership in the MINT, the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers.
In the MI world, MINT membership is an extraordinary thing. It is a recognition not only of a high degree of proficiency in ‘doing’ MI, but is also is indication of the ability to use an evocative MI style when teaching and guiding others to be better at MI.
MINT members are fairly rare—there are only 1,600 worldwide, and they hold themselves to a high standard, not only with the values of generosity, openness, and collaboration, but also the standard of modeling what they are teaching as they are teaching it.
I say this because after the meeting, we were talking about what it was like, meeting Bill. One of the group members summed it up perfectly:
"You know, before this year only knew two members of the MINT, one was my favorite professor in school, and then working with you Sky. And now meeting Bill and Stephen and David and Steve, the same line keeps going through my head: “Whatever it is these people are doing, I want that. I want to learn that. I want to teach that. I want to be that.”
She continued, “As I was sitting there listening to Bill, I kept thinking, 'I'll have whatever it is he's having,' because whatever he's got, it's amazing.”
I’ll have whatever it is that he’s having!
I can relate to this idea on several levels, not only from the perspective of MI, but for all of my professional life, starting with college. I didn't really know what I wanted my major to be, so I picked my courses according to the professor I liked and admired—the ones who seemed to have something that I wanted to have too: the ability to listen, the ability to be patient with their students (including me), a style of seeking first to understand before trying to be understood, a sense of good humor, and a sense of hopefulness, that it's all going to turn out all right in the end, even though we might not know how that's going to happen.
I really like what that learner said about "I'll have what he’s having."
I wish it was as easy as ordering a drink or a meal. And at the same time, it's very clear that the skills in Motivational Interviewing are skills that anyone can learn.
Bill Miller is one of the ones who came to this discovery: that empathy is a learned skill. It's not simply an innate gift that you have or don't have, but it's very clearly a behavioral skill that can be learned, practiced, and developed. It is an aspirational goal of many of us to walk through the world practicing the skills of empathy and clear listening.
Empathy is a learned skill.
If this is interesting to you—and I'm guessing it is because you've gotten this far in this article—please know that we are here for you. This is why we have two free MI practice groups a week. Because we know that practice is the heart of fluency. When you immerse yourself in a new language, you will catch on and it will get easier. I have worked with thousands of people who are living proof of this.
And if you would like to be one of those folks, please join us whenever you are able.
Free MI Practice - Every Monday at Friday at 12 (nyc time)
Free MI Snack - Every Wednesday at 11am (nyc time)